Amongst his friends,
all present at the time, were the quintessential cool kids. Every archetype fulfilled by the
affable tough-guy, hard partying sidekick, obligatory stoner, and the most
popular girl in school (that…that’s not hyperbole).
Kinda like this. (The club, not the link) |
Example 1: Here’s
where things begin
I noticed something very odd that morning; in the way everyone
treated the popular girl. Upon
waking from a couch nap, Tough Guy loudly announced to the room at large (but
mostly in the direction of Popular Girl) that laying on one’s stomach ‘makes
mean boners.’ He then proceeded to
ask Popular Girl if she knew this fact, and followed up with a suggestion on
how she could best help him get rid of it. She tittered in good humor as a response.
Some minutes later, Stoner Guy asked her if she’d like a
beer, commenting ‘maybe today we can get you drunk enough to see you
naked.’ Again, Popular Girl
laughed.
Whatever Sidekick said to her has been lost in the mists of
memory, but I remember the entire interaction as being repulsive in a way that
made me very uncomfortable. I
don’t know if it was because I was expected to participate in this, if it was
because this seemed like the most normal thing to them and she was completely
inured to it, or if I just felt uncomfortable with her tacit acceptance of
everything.
At some point, everyone else had decided to step out, which
left Popular Girl and myself alone together on opposite ends of the couch
facing each other. I couldn’t help
myself, so I asked (exact words from both of us), ‘Doesn’t it bother you that
they talk to you like that, and that they’re all trying to sleep with you in spite
of claiming to be your friends?’
Her answer bothers me
to this day:
‘Oh, they’re just playing around. They do it all the time, they don’t really mean it.’
The sad, sad fact of her naivety coupled with the absolute
truth that yes, they did mean it, was enough to dissuade me from ever pursuing
a friendship with all but the host (again, he’s really the nicest guy ever).
Example 2: Kelly Jean
and Atomic Mari
The last few weeks over the holidays, moving into a new
house and being alone, have brought upon all kinds of boredom. Without Netflix or my books to keep my
brain distracted, I turned hungrily to the Internet for entertainment.
Kelly Jean as Alice (twitch) |
I had never watched a twitch before, so it was fun to watch
a game played in real time. What
was utterly mortifying, were the incoming comments from anonymous users. In my disgust, I didn’t screen capture
any of the comments of the first day.
The moderators, fortunately for Kelly, were generally very quick to
delete offensive comments. There
were so many, though, that they couldn’t get all of them. Here’s a very VERY small sample space
from the second day I watched:
Beat_tengudoomzy: Best things come in small packages
Xnukegaming: <message deleted>
Mafiailipidor: U WANT
MY COOKIE MM?
Porphyriontr: We want
your <3
The first day dealt mostly with asking to see her breasts,
wondering what she was wearing under her pants, asking to sleep with her,
telling her they were going to do criminal things to her. In short: a lot of <message deleted>’s.
I wanted to tell her not to listen, not to give into that
type of sexual assault (I was going to use the modifier ‘borderline,’ but the
border had been crossed), not to crumble under that for want of more followers,
that not every gamer is a complete pervert.
It doesn’t stop there.
In addition to watching twitches, I also que’d up Smosh’s Game Bang on YouTube. It’s essential a group of friends
playing games for a variety of challenges. Mari is the token gamer girl on the show populated with
guys.
It’s clear that these people are friends. Their interactions are that of a close-knit
group, but if you pay attention to the attitudes in the context of example 1,
you’ll see that Mari is treated like Popular Girl.
Example 3: Cosplay as
a Profession
My own guilt drives this last example. Here’s some honesty.
When it comes to certain people (like Jessica Nigri Sushi
… sorry, that’s what I call her),
I am biased. Without ever having
met her, I see the overt sexualization of cosplay in a way that panders to an
audience of perverts and lonely men, so she can sell prints and make
money.
I used to.
Tying everything together and resolutions:
The unfortunate part about what I’m about to say next, is
that anyone reading this probably already feels the same way. The cosplay community (and to a lesser
but growing extent, the gaming community) in general, is of the mindset that
this type of behavior and thought is unacceptable. And that’s great!
People are aware, and awareness is spreading, and it needs to continue
until all of this is just a bad memory.
Ensani Volz is my favorite (not one of, but The)
cosplayer. She’s a great
friend. Never once did I have a
second thought about her enjoying what she does, never once did I think to criticize
her when it came to selling her prints.
I’ve even bought some to support her. Hell, she’s inspired me to do photo shoots and get my name
out there.
So why, if it’s okay for her, is it not okay for someone
else? It isn’t enough to just say
that we support one while still condemning another. Entire thought processes need to change. It isn’t up to (in this case) me, to
believe that someone is pandering to an audience or perpetuating a stereotype,
because that’s just as bad as me going on-line and saying <message
deleted> at a stranger. Who am
I to think ill of someone who is truly having fun?
Here’s what Ensani had to say about it:
Hi, this hobby has
turned into an industry. And just because someone sells prints/makes money off
of cosplaying and making costumes doesn't mean that they don't give a shit
about the characters they cosplay or aren't doing it to have fun AND ALSO make
some extra money. I adore each and every character I've cosplayed. I've put my
heart and soul into the characters I've cosplayed. Every new character on my
"to cosplay" list, I love and fangirl and theorize about with weird
headcanons. I want to expand my craft, learn more about sewing and creating
props and armor. I want to make amazing, finely detailed, glowing axes and learn
to create flowing, embroidered ballgowns.
And if I'm able to make some spare
cash so that I AM able to do these things, what is so damn wrong about that?
Kelly also had some words for the people that were bugging
her. Tying what she said in with
what I felt about Jessica, and what Ensani said – Kelly brought up to the point
that characters that she cosplays LOOK like that. More than adding to that point though, I am thrilled she
stuck up for herself instead of backing down:
if I may take two
minutes to be vaguely serious: I have always worn what I like when streaming. I
have streamed in tees and jumpers. But I refuse to be bullied into not wearing
things that have cleavage (when it is not even breaking the rules - often in
cosplay which is supposed to look that way!). I am a stubborn lady, so when I
started to receive unnecessary harassment (rape threats, really??) it just made
me more want to show how I will not be forced to dress one way or the other to
appease anyone. I will continue to do so until this is not an issue, because I
hope one day it is not.
And finally, on
changing our thought processes:
Gaming is lagging (see what I did there?). Anonymity has bred foul-mouthed little
rodents that don’t hesitate at all to spew racial slurs and sexual attacks at
any and all in reach. It’s
commonplace when it shouldn’t be.
I love Game Bang, but if I were to watch that as my younger
self, if I were to play games online as my younger self…I’d be shaped by what I
hear and what I see. I wouldn’t
think twice about talking to people like that. I’d think it normal to treat girls like that.
Just because that’s the way it’s always been, doesn’t mean
it’s the way it has to be. I’m
stoked when I see people stick up for what they know is right, what they enjoy. I’m proud to be friends with people
like that.
And I’m sorry for ever thinking the way I did about
strangers I’ve never met.
All I ask, from anyone reading this, is all I’ve ever
asked:
Pass it on, and help stomp this kind of thing out, because <message deleted> is not how you talk to girls.
Pass it on, and help stomp this kind of thing out, because <message deleted> is not how you talk to girls.
I won't lie... |
I just found the closest sword. I'll have real cosplay pictures up eventually. |
Here’s some solidarity (and some humility, but not much):
Thanks for this post ❤️. Women have been objectified for centuries. People are doomed to repeat behaviours they've witnessed thinking them as acceptable. Women are not taught how to deal with such objectifiable behaviours and so, pretend they are but loose banter and tend to normalize it. It's sad really.
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