Trader is Finished

Not in a bad way, mind you, but Book 1 has been officially completed (with the notable exception of the cover art... still).  And, where the original was merely 75,320 words with generally poor editing (my own fault), the updated version is at 83,456.  All that's left is the updated copyright.. and the cover art.

Momentous in any case, thusly freeing me up (theoretically, because I still have to work and lift heavy things in my not-so free time) for the unholy combination of Ariana and M^6.  

As always, though, I do have some progress to report on that, so if you're interested, here's a bit of an update:

Monster List (apart from the implied adventures…so NOTEABLE monster list):

The first monster (duh)

The ghost girl (dead house, the dust unmoved, the guy’s daughter haunting the place, he’d heard about it from the kids at school – he was a teacher, we really need to screen our clients, apparently)

Bloody Mary (watching candles burn away into torches)

The spider lady (moving wall of glossy black with thousands of red dots picked out in a strangely closely spaced pattern, a victim, the spider analogy, the half spider woman behind me with a body like pitted iron, kissing my neck, the shock, collapsing while marlin fought it, watching the wall break into millions of spiders, starting to wrap me up)

My Monster (safety under the blankets)
            The monster that conferred the power of fire to my sister (I can’t have it, bonded to a soul, and we have the same soul, come out in a split second that felt like forever inside, make references to waking up while dying in Cerberus, but mostly just dead bodies and a very confused looking robed and hooded figure) 

Lily the Lideric

The Twins (incubus and succubus)

The predations of the unknown in the street following (Whatever you do, stay in the light and DO NOT CLOSE YOUR EYES)

The hunting shadow in the graveyard
            The Labyrinth

Teasers and whatnot.  Time for bed, expect more soon!

Check me out on twitter @CJonnyWrite

Update on Trader

Well, I've revised about 41,000 words so far, and the book is already 5,000 words longer than the first version.

I've posted all the new chapters (don't worry, still protected by copyright), and am rewriting the book description as well as the author bio.  Will post those as soon as they are complete.

What I need now are eyes.  All the eyes.  Any eyes.  Proofreading is going to take a while and I'm looking at a chapter at a time.  If you see a missed punctation, a tense disagreement, a misspelled word, or can suggest better syntax, let me know and I'll fix it (then add you in the acknowledgements section).

Also, very much in need of an artist for coverwork.  Willing to pay, message me.

That's all I've got.

I'll be out training with the Germans for the next week, but expect cool pictures and videos upon return.

-There have always been stories

About magic and fantasy 

I don’t know why.

The world is already pretty fucking strange.

Presenting: Tiny Tina

Tiny Tina and Mad Moxxi

Every aircraft has a personality.

Sure, there are checklists that spell out how to turn them on and shut them down, and from the factory they're all the same.  Over time, they get flown by different crews; each pilot with their own technique adding their own inputs that change the aircraft in minuscule ways.  The aircraft fly on different missions, through different weather, in different environments, receive different maintenance, different take-offs and landings.  And while two helicopters may spend their entire lifespan together, like people, they'll still share different experiences.

As time goes on, quirks develop.  You learn how to treat your aircraft so it flies just right for you, because you listen, you pay attention.  All those external stimuli accrete and 'it' becomes a 'she' or a 'he' and suddenly, it's got soul.

When something has a soul, it needs a name.

Right next to Mad Moxxi sits 701.  She's...different.  Quirky, is a good word.  Sometimes her electronics don't sequence right and we need to pull circuit breakers.  She was missing some hardware not too long ago, but that's all getting replaced.  When she's in a mood, she bounces all over the place.  She's a little broken.

Pictured: Special

But, she's quick, and dependable, and if you listen just right, her engines sound like they're so totally enthusiastic about bringing you along and cannot wait to show you ALL the things.

It was our Captain's turn to name an aircraft.  In keeping with the Borderlands theme (thankfully), he dutifully named 701: Tiny Tina.

I reminded everyone shortly thereafter that Roland was completely off the table.

-"How are you a person Lily?  Why are you a person?"

The airfield when you're dizzy at night.

Funniest Moments in German Travels Part 1

Found in a shop's window front:

Mannequin about to shank a bitch.

Found in a coffee shop bathroom:

Really, what an undignified phallus.

Found in Würzburg's Royal Square:

The famous 'Man uppercuts horse.'

Found not too far from that:

Dammit Karen, I've gotta-
Oooh, we gotta badass over here.

Stayed tuned for more hijinks. 

-After these brief messages we'll be riiiiight back.

Pictures from a regular day

Adam took these pictures for us.  I edited.  Wash looked good.  LT listened intensely.  Leek got everyone in and out safely.  All in all?  Good flight.  The last one is my favorite.

Wash posing for the camera.

Wash and CSM getting friendly.

And, this is my next tattoo (or very close to it):

DC Bombshells: Harley Quinn

Book Recommendations: Soulless

Remember this guy?

Among my many proclivities, I make no attempt to secret away my love for all things Victorian, and, by extension, all things Steam Punk.  If you aren't aware, Steam Punk is a sub-genre of fantasy that deals with steam power (obviously), the Industrial Age, Victorian England (generally, though its subset of the American Midwest circa mid to late 1800's and the rest of the world influenced by the Empire around the same timeframe is well established within the genre.  After all, the latest Sherlock Holmes very neatly describes the era, if you aren't familiar, and there are ... interesting ... references to New Jersey therein), certain aspects of fantasy such as magic and the supernatural, and rising technology.


In particular, the peculiar blend of technology and magic (not to mention the fashion.  Cravats and top hats and walking canes?  Fuck. Yes.) fascinate me to no end.  Sure, diesel punk is cool (same premise, shifted right a few decades and adjusted for inflation.  See Bioshock, and here, and Sucker Punch), but for mostly the same reasons.  Which, I suppose makes my love of Justina Robson's Quantum Gravity Bomb Series sensical; as, again, same premise, shifted right a century or two.  Cyber Punk, I believe?

But I'll get back to her books later.

As it is often the case, a book will catch my eye, I'll snag it, and it'll sit on the shelf for months before I remember I even had it (and then only because I see it at B&N and get that feeling of once lost familiarity).  So, I brought a handful of those shelved, unread tomes with me to Germany to read in my ever decreasing downtime.  Hence all the damn book reviews.

Here's one that caused instant regret for not have starting sooner.

Enter: Gail Carriger's Soulless (An Alexia Tarabotti Novel), Book 1 of the Parasol Protectorate, published by Orbit, Tuesday afternoon.

Oh, Ms. Tarabotti...

I finished Wednesday morning.  Honestly, would have been sooner had I not needed to actually work and participate in things.

Before my book report, I will say this: it feels like a mashup of the best parts of Pride and Prejudice (aggressively independent spinster), Outlander (gruff but noble scotsman), and every good urban fantasy I've ever read.  It has been one of those rare books (of the Jane Austen variety, if I'm being truthful here) that's stimulated my brain in such a manner as to cause me to think in words.  If you understand that feeling, you understand how grossly under appreciated that type of writing is.  I used laboriously in a conversation today.  Even her sentence structures are varied and complicated and wonderfully constructed.

It is extremely unfortunate that asking a writer to marry you through a personal blog is considered a faux pas.  (But, Ms. Carriger, if you are reading this...)

Alexia Tarabotti is a mid-twenties, aggressively independent, assertive spinster with tan skin and a large nose (most of which can be attributed to her Italian blood).  She also has a penchant for finding herself in perilously provocative situations, which may have something to do with the fact that she was born without a soul.

After accidentally murdering a vampire at a ball (where no comestibles were served; scandalous), for self defense reasons - honestly, what kind of rude vampire just attacks a lady? - Ms. Tarabotti is brought into close quarters with Lord Maccon, Earl of Woosely, Alpha werewolf of the local pack, Head of the Bureau of Unnatural Registry, and most assuredly not a gorgeous ruffian love interest that she finds herself not attracted to in any way.  Her persistence at finding a place of usefulness in the world will lead her to investigate the strange origins of the vampire that attacked her, the disappearances of both rove vampires and lone werewolves, and get thrown into an astonishing amount of danger.

I've never laughed so hard at such an honest (and, because it's me, nice) portrayal of an antagonistic relationship making that dangerously precipitous voyage from loathing to love.

That's all I'm giving you.  The rest is up to you.

-Nice: adj.  Characterized by, showing, or requiring great accuracy, precision, skill, tact, care, or delicacy. 

Beer

Let's just get this out of the way:

I FUCKING HATE BEER.

Seriously, it tastes like someone ran a half-marathon, then pissed in my mouth.  The aftertaste has just a hint of vomit (because I threw it up, because I fucking hate beer).

This marathon runner.

However, I will not begrudge anyone their beer, if beer is their thing.  Completely understandable, beer has a rich history!  I respect that.  It's a science, it's a culture, it's an art.  Here are some beer facts:

1 - Historians have found written evidence of beer consumption as far back as 5,000 BC.

2 - Straws exist because of beer!  Early beers were not filtered, and straws performed a filtering function.

3 - When beer made it to Egypt, it became so popular, new hieroglyphs were created.  Eventually, barely and yeast were added to Pharos tombs.

4 - In the Middle Ages, beer was safer than water, as the alcohol would kill off bacteria.

5 - Monks brewed beer for pilgrims and these breweries became the first taverns.

6 - In 1506, the Germans established the beer purity law stating that only water, malted barley, malted hops, malted wheat, and though never specifically laid out, yeast, were allowed in the creation of beer.  The Reinheitsgebot is still in effect today.

7 - Beer comes in many varieties.  Stouts, pale ales, lagers, and the list is always changing and updating.

8 - Beer also comes in many flavors.  As the popularity of craft beers grow, new flavors are introduced constantly.  Everything from Apple to Chocolate to Raspberry Wheat to White Grape.

9 - Beer will never not taste like runner piss to me.

And vomit.

Telling me, or others like me, that I just haven't found the right one isn't going to change my opinion (or my tastebuds).  Saying, "No, no no no, you really have to try this one, it's so good," doesn't make me want to try it any more, it only makes me hate you.

So, go!  Enjoy your beer!  Craft it!  Promote it!  Drink to your heart's content!

But stop trying to push it down our fucking throats unless we ask you to help us find a beer we would enjoy or, one day, we'll make you swallow the bottle.

Feel free to sacrifice me to the God of Agave, though.

-I used to find all of this amazing, I used to dream of being a spaceman.  Now?  Now it was expected.