In quarantine with 2-22 Infantry boys, asking the first time
deployers what they wish they would have known prior to getting into country
and what questions they wanted to ask about where they are. It turned into a mildly ridiculous AMA with
some good questions, appropriate answers, and the usual absurdity you’d
associate with a group of 18-25 year olds mentally preparing themselves for 9
months in a foreign land.
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| Not to be confused with the Double Deuce. |
Questions asked by first time deployers:
1- As we approach a peace treaty, am I going to do my job?
A:
Afghanistan is a complicated country with a long history of internecine tribal
conflict exacerbated by foreign powers.
The ultimate goal of a peace treaty is to get the Taliban and GIROA
cooperating towards a national, rather than tribal, interest. There are factions within the Taliban that
refuse to abide by any treaties, as well as organizations such as ISIS and
Al-Haqani that maintain allegiance only to themselves and profit off of
conflict and the illegal drug trade. So,
while one piece of the puzzle is seemingly in place, there are still plenty
left. This is not a simple yes or no
question; only a very solid maybe.
2- What are the locals like and what is the food like?
A:
People are people are people. What I try
to tell everyone headed here for a tour is to remember that you’ll be here for
6-12 months, then you go home. This is
home for them. They have been at war, in
one form or another, for nearly 40 years, and it’s happening in their streets,
their businesses, their homes. One of
the biggest mistakes the US made in dealing with the Afghans was operating
under the assumption that Afghans were equivalent to Iraqis; it took 15 years
to figure out that we need to train our people how to act appropriately
here. Treat them with respect and invest
some time into learning about their culture.
They have a very laissez-faire attitude to time, a highly contextual
culture (they would rather talk and tell a story that leads to an answer than
give you a direct answer), do not deal well with negative criticism, and hold
their faith in the highest regards. And,
remember that a little bit goes a long way, learn at least a few words of Dari,
Pashto, or Farsi, depending on the region you’re operating in, just to show
you’re making an effort.
As far
as the food is concerned; always take tea when it is offered. Always. Chai is delicious, but there is some
deep-rooted etiquette with accepting tea.
The food ranges from incredible to gut wrenching, but in all cases,
accept the food as well. However, to
prevent any gastronomical upset, drink some peptobismol or milk to coat your
stomach.
3- Where am I going when I get there?
A: No
clue. For the sake of expectation
management: Be flexible. If you try to
stubborn your way through your deployment, you’re going to lose your mind.
4- Do I need to worry about IDF (indirect fire)?
A:
Worry probably isn’t the right word. IDF
can come at any time, and depending on what post you are located at, you’ll
either hear a base-wide warning or some distant thumps. Accuracy and frequency are all dependent on
who is shooting and what they’re trying to hit.
Best advice available is put on your body armor and get low, then get
into a bunker if you can. Otherwise, go
about your life. The caveat to that is
to make sure you aren’t blasting your music so loud that you lose situational
awareness of the world around you.
Especially in a confined space like your room or shower, keep the noise
turned down enough that you can hear any warnings, I promise this may save your
life one day.
Shit,
we’re getting hit right now…
5- How will I work out?
Is there a PX? What about WiFi?
A:
Look, I’ll be brutally honest with you, creature comforts should be the
furthest thing from your mind. You’ll
get exercise whether you want it or not.
Expect not to have access to PX, WiFi, tobacco, etc, unless you’re at a
major hub. It’s a deployment, not a
vacation. I highly recommend finding a
new hobby or skill that you want to improve and work on that. Also, despite my love of paperbacks, buy an
e-reader and load it up with books. It
takes up less space and it’ll keep you occupied far longer than a movie will.
6- What are some of the grossest terms you’ve heard in the
military?
A:
Desert Jelly: when someone fires off some knuckle children in the communal
showers and the resultant blob just floats along the top of the water waiting
to attack some hapless victim’s feet.
Waffling: when someone decides to defecate in the communal showers and
then stomps it down the drain. Yeah,
thanks for hanging with me so far.
7- I saw a bowl of condoms at the clinic; people don’t
actually have sex on deployment, right?
It’s against GO1.
A: …
Think of it like a less in shape version of the Olympic village.
Honorable mentions:
Where is all the common sense?
Why doesn’t anyone follow the
quarantine protocols?
Why is everything so stupid?
What was it about the apple core
that set you off?
Some final remarks from our local Medic:
Be
proactive about getting acclimatized.
You’re 5000 feet above sea level so, drink water, eat protein, do cardio
for the first month or two while your body learns to produce more red blood
cells. If not, while you’re doing
operations in higher elevations, you’ll get altitude sickness.
Clean
your living areas and your asses. No one
is going to clean your rooms for you, you gotta be big boys. Messes accumulate quickly, so you have to be
on top of it. And no one wants to be the
smelly kid. If there is a smelly kid,
address it. Either he’s suffering from
depression, hygiene is the first thing to go, or he’s actually just nasty. If it’s depression, make sure it’s taken care
of. If he’s nasty, grab a bucket, water,
and soap, and make that boy take a bath.
He’ll get the hint after that.
Wash your hands.
That’s all from me, take from this what you will. I’m still in quarantine, so I have to make my
own entertainment. If you have any
burning questions about deployment, feel free to ask.
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