My Own Cel

Like I ever drove before.

Before we start anything this weekend, I must state that every post was written through a ubiquitous haze of exhaustion.  While I’d like to believe that I am a terribly clever writer, there is plenty of evidence to the contrary.  Also, I become woefully cynical whilst sleepy. 

There’s your caveat, do your best to enjoy, it’s not all rainbows and sunshine.

Lady Problems.  No wait, problems WITH ladies.

First:  The Guitar; here are some pics:

To rehash; the plan is to raf…raffe…raffa…auction it off at Dragon Con 2013 from Demarr’s booth.  (Yeah, you heard me right.  Demarr has a booth.  Check out his fine wares).  Everyone who signed at DCC was very cool.  Jason David Frank (Green Ranger), Catherine Sutherland (Pink Ranger … after Kimberly), Ernie Hudson (Ghostbusters), Natasha Henstridge (Species), Tom Ambrose (Stargate), Adam Baldwin (Adam Baldwin), and LeVar Burton (Reading Rainbow, et. al) were all willing participants.  Though I did learn that in order to get them to sign charity stuff, one needs to clear it with management first.  A staffer firmly but politely told me to stop.

Woops.

On to the second:  Awkwardness.

I’ve come to the rather sad realization (thence acceptance) that I am terrible at meeting new people in any kind of consistent manner.  Con notwithstanding (because let’s face it, Cons count as an exception to just about every rule), I am a super awkward person when it’s down to one-on-one interaction.  Crowds?  Public speaking?  Making an ass out of myself in front of strangers?  Bring it on.  Anything else…

The example I wanted to use has been replayed many many many times over in my life.  I am (after much heartbreak and nights of absolute self-loathing) a nice guy, very honest, and completely filterless.  I won’t think twice to tell someone they are awesome, or beautiful, or that you might want to rethink those shorts until you lose about ten pounds.  To wit, I once got beat by an interrogator for flirting with her during an certain four lettered school.  Forgive me, I told her during the debrief, I had no idea. 

My latest series of mistakes has been trying to hang out with acquaintances that I’d like to get to know better for literally no other reason than they seem like someone I would legitimately hang out with.  Guys or girls, works for both in this case.  The responses to which I’ve received have usually been along the lines of, “Eh, maybe, as long as it isn’t a blind date sort of thing.”

Wait, what?  I don’t… there isn’t… I guess sitting at home and maintaining interaction with people online has robbed me of social skills and turned me into a total creeper.  That or the directness with which I’ve been accustomed to for nearly a decade of military service has skewed my sense of how to deal with subtlety in conversation.  Meaning I have none, and apparently it is always taken either the wrong way or completely perpendicular to what I meant.

Devi, dammit.  My name
Is. Not. Alice!

When the hell did that become the norm?  I must just be getting old.  And cynical.  God I hope that makes sense to everyone else. 

As far as relationships go, I do not believe in love at first sight.  I do believe in instant friendship.  Like Kat, who has seen me licked by random strangers at Dragon Con (yes, girls can be Con Creepers too.  Knock that shit off ladies, if you wanna lick my tats, ask first lest you get punched in the ovaries).  My first interaction with Kat after Con was her calling me a cock-jockey, which obviously made us best friends forever.  Speaking of, here’s Alice:

But friendships, once established, are easy.  The transition from friendship to relationship is dicey.  I’ve never understood the relationships I’ve had, nor those of my friends.  My thought is that in order to have a successful relationship, it should be based on friendship first, and then NOTHING should change, save the sex. 

Here's something cute to offset everything else.

Saying you love someone is a death knell to friendship.  After love, there’s no going back.  WHY?!  Celeste is not just a character created from the fundament, she is as much allegory as a living, breathing avatar of her real life character basis (including some word for word dialogue).  We started off as friends, and a gesture of comfort (offering her dinner after a bad breakup) turned into what amounts to the rockiest fucking months of my life.

If I was honest with myself (and why not?) I’d say that at first I didn’t even want anything from her.  It wasn’t until she turned into a ridiculously possessive ice-queen (week 2) that I gave in to the tidal wave that was her emotional rollercoaster.  Emotionally I’m distant, she was overpowering, and I was swept away. 

Now?  I am forever wary of intent. 

 

I guess the whole point of this is that introducing yourself by giving a list of the top five male celebs that’d you do and never call back is easily the best conversation starter.

Am I happy?  No, but I am content.  And happy writers suck.