Update on Trader

Well, I've revised about 41,000 words so far, and the book is already 5,000 words longer than the first version.

I've posted all the new chapters (don't worry, still protected by copyright), and am rewriting the book description as well as the author bio.  Will post those as soon as they are complete.

What I need now are eyes.  All the eyes.  Any eyes.  Proofreading is going to take a while and I'm looking at a chapter at a time.  If you see a missed punctation, a tense disagreement, a misspelled word, or can suggest better syntax, let me know and I'll fix it (then add you in the acknowledgements section).

Also, very much in need of an artist for coverwork.  Willing to pay, message me.

That's all I've got.

I'll be out training with the Germans for the next week, but expect cool pictures and videos upon return.

-There have always been stories

About magic and fantasy 

I don’t know why.

The world is already pretty fucking strange.

Presenting: Tiny Tina

Tiny Tina and Mad Moxxi

Every aircraft has a personality.

Sure, there are checklists that spell out how to turn them on and shut them down, and from the factory they're all the same.  Over time, they get flown by different crews; each pilot with their own technique adding their own inputs that change the aircraft in minuscule ways.  The aircraft fly on different missions, through different weather, in different environments, receive different maintenance, different take-offs and landings.  And while two helicopters may spend their entire lifespan together, like people, they'll still share different experiences.

As time goes on, quirks develop.  You learn how to treat your aircraft so it flies just right for you, because you listen, you pay attention.  All those external stimuli accrete and 'it' becomes a 'she' or a 'he' and suddenly, it's got soul.

When something has a soul, it needs a name.

Right next to Mad Moxxi sits 701.  She's...different.  Quirky, is a good word.  Sometimes her electronics don't sequence right and we need to pull circuit breakers.  She was missing some hardware not too long ago, but that's all getting replaced.  When she's in a mood, she bounces all over the place.  She's a little broken.

Pictured: Special

But, she's quick, and dependable, and if you listen just right, her engines sound like they're so totally enthusiastic about bringing you along and cannot wait to show you ALL the things.

It was our Captain's turn to name an aircraft.  In keeping with the Borderlands theme (thankfully), he dutifully named 701: Tiny Tina.

I reminded everyone shortly thereafter that Roland was completely off the table.

-"How are you a person Lily?  Why are you a person?"

The airfield when you're dizzy at night.

Funniest Moments in German Travels Part 1

Found in a shop's window front:

Mannequin about to shank a bitch.

Found in a coffee shop bathroom:

Really, what an undignified phallus.

Found in Würzburg's Royal Square:

The famous 'Man uppercuts horse.'

Found not too far from that:

Dammit Karen, I've gotta-
Oooh, we gotta badass over here.

Stayed tuned for more hijinks. 

-After these brief messages we'll be riiiiight back.

Pictures from a regular day

Adam took these pictures for us.  I edited.  Wash looked good.  LT listened intensely.  Leek got everyone in and out safely.  All in all?  Good flight.  The last one is my favorite.

Wash posing for the camera.

Wash and CSM getting friendly.

And, this is my next tattoo (or very close to it):

DC Bombshells: Harley Quinn

Book Recommendations: Soulless

Remember this guy?

Among my many proclivities, I make no attempt to secret away my love for all things Victorian, and, by extension, all things Steam Punk.  If you aren't aware, Steam Punk is a sub-genre of fantasy that deals with steam power (obviously), the Industrial Age, Victorian England (generally, though its subset of the American Midwest circa mid to late 1800's and the rest of the world influenced by the Empire around the same timeframe is well established within the genre.  After all, the latest Sherlock Holmes very neatly describes the era, if you aren't familiar, and there are ... interesting ... references to New Jersey therein), certain aspects of fantasy such as magic and the supernatural, and rising technology.


In particular, the peculiar blend of technology and magic (not to mention the fashion.  Cravats and top hats and walking canes?  Fuck. Yes.) fascinate me to no end.  Sure, diesel punk is cool (same premise, shifted right a few decades and adjusted for inflation.  See Bioshock, and here, and Sucker Punch), but for mostly the same reasons.  Which, I suppose makes my love of Justina Robson's Quantum Gravity Bomb Series sensical; as, again, same premise, shifted right a century or two.  Cyber Punk, I believe?

But I'll get back to her books later.

As it is often the case, a book will catch my eye, I'll snag it, and it'll sit on the shelf for months before I remember I even had it (and then only because I see it at B&N and get that feeling of once lost familiarity).  So, I brought a handful of those shelved, unread tomes with me to Germany to read in my ever decreasing downtime.  Hence all the damn book reviews.

Here's one that caused instant regret for not have starting sooner.

Enter: Gail Carriger's Soulless (An Alexia Tarabotti Novel), Book 1 of the Parasol Protectorate, published by Orbit, Tuesday afternoon.

Oh, Ms. Tarabotti...

I finished Wednesday morning.  Honestly, would have been sooner had I not needed to actually work and participate in things.

Before my book report, I will say this: it feels like a mashup of the best parts of Pride and Prejudice (aggressively independent spinster), Outlander (gruff but noble scotsman), and every good urban fantasy I've ever read.  It has been one of those rare books (of the Jane Austen variety, if I'm being truthful here) that's stimulated my brain in such a manner as to cause me to think in words.  If you understand that feeling, you understand how grossly under appreciated that type of writing is.  I used laboriously in a conversation today.  Even her sentence structures are varied and complicated and wonderfully constructed.

It is extremely unfortunate that asking a writer to marry you through a personal blog is considered a faux pas.  (But, Ms. Carriger, if you are reading this...)

Alexia Tarabotti is a mid-twenties, aggressively independent, assertive spinster with tan skin and a large nose (most of which can be attributed to her Italian blood).  She also has a penchant for finding herself in perilously provocative situations, which may have something to do with the fact that she was born without a soul.

After accidentally murdering a vampire at a ball (where no comestibles were served; scandalous), for self defense reasons - honestly, what kind of rude vampire just attacks a lady? - Ms. Tarabotti is brought into close quarters with Lord Maccon, Earl of Woosely, Alpha werewolf of the local pack, Head of the Bureau of Unnatural Registry, and most assuredly not a gorgeous ruffian love interest that she finds herself not attracted to in any way.  Her persistence at finding a place of usefulness in the world will lead her to investigate the strange origins of the vampire that attacked her, the disappearances of both rove vampires and lone werewolves, and get thrown into an astonishing amount of danger.

I've never laughed so hard at such an honest (and, because it's me, nice) portrayal of an antagonistic relationship making that dangerously precipitous voyage from loathing to love.

That's all I'm giving you.  The rest is up to you.

-Nice: adj.  Characterized by, showing, or requiring great accuracy, precision, skill, tact, care, or delicacy. 

Beer

Let's just get this out of the way:

I FUCKING HATE BEER.

Seriously, it tastes like someone ran a half-marathon, then pissed in my mouth.  The aftertaste has just a hint of vomit (because I threw it up, because I fucking hate beer).

This marathon runner.

However, I will not begrudge anyone their beer, if beer is their thing.  Completely understandable, beer has a rich history!  I respect that.  It's a science, it's a culture, it's an art.  Here are some beer facts:

1 - Historians have found written evidence of beer consumption as far back as 5,000 BC.

2 - Straws exist because of beer!  Early beers were not filtered, and straws performed a filtering function.

3 - When beer made it to Egypt, it became so popular, new hieroglyphs were created.  Eventually, barely and yeast were added to Pharos tombs.

4 - In the Middle Ages, beer was safer than water, as the alcohol would kill off bacteria.

5 - Monks brewed beer for pilgrims and these breweries became the first taverns.

6 - In 1506, the Germans established the beer purity law stating that only water, malted barley, malted hops, malted wheat, and though never specifically laid out, yeast, were allowed in the creation of beer.  The Reinheitsgebot is still in effect today.

7 - Beer comes in many varieties.  Stouts, pale ales, lagers, and the list is always changing and updating.

8 - Beer also comes in many flavors.  As the popularity of craft beers grow, new flavors are introduced constantly.  Everything from Apple to Chocolate to Raspberry Wheat to White Grape.

9 - Beer will never not taste like runner piss to me.

And vomit.

Telling me, or others like me, that I just haven't found the right one isn't going to change my opinion (or my tastebuds).  Saying, "No, no no no, you really have to try this one, it's so good," doesn't make me want to try it any more, it only makes me hate you.

So, go!  Enjoy your beer!  Craft it!  Promote it!  Drink to your heart's content!

But stop trying to push it down our fucking throats unless we ask you to help us find a beer we would enjoy or, one day, we'll make you swallow the bottle.

Feel free to sacrifice me to the God of Agave, though.

-I used to find all of this amazing, I used to dream of being a spaceman.  Now?  Now it was expected.

Casual Racism at the Gym

Photo Credit: Johannes Eisele, AP

Jemima Jelagat Sumgong of Kenya won Gold in the Women's Marathon today with a total time of  2:24:40.  I can't even walk for two and a half hours.  So, spectacular finish for her with the added bonuses of picking up Kenya's first Gold event these Olympics as well as being Kenya's first woman to win Gold in the Marathon.

I got to watch her cross the finish line, and the woman is a machine.  As were the rest that finished with her.  But, I digress.  The reason I bring this up is because while I'm in the middle of Day 16's squats, minding my own business, with my headphones in, listening to Fancy (BECAUSE I AM SO FANCY, that's why), watching Jemima pull away from the pack of about 6 or 7 runners, a runner named Shalane Flanagan was amongst that group.  Shalane, American, finished 6th at 2:25:26.

Between sets, some old white guy (American) comes up to me, looks up at the T.V. and says, loud enough for me to hear over "Put that paper over all.  I thought you knew that, knew that," "Well, that's something you never see; a white girl at the front of a marathon, usually it's just-"

I stopped him.  "Sir, I have a feeling I know what you're about to say, I'm just going to stop you right there and ask you to move on with your workout."  He looked pretty offended.  I didn't give a shit.  In what world is it okay to come up to a random stranger and spout some casual racism?  Probably left thinking how everyone is so PC these days and how no one complained back in the day about little comments like that.

Since we're discussing the Olympics and awful things going on at them, let's talk about Judo.

Specially, this:

Photo Credit: Toshifumi Kitamaru, AP

You probably know the story by now:  Or Sasson of Israel (Bronze Medalist), after a clean victory over Islam El Shehaby in Men's +100kg Judo, went to shake his opponent's hand.  Shehaby, an Egyptian, refused the gesture, and then, in an incident that the IOC is now investigating refused to bow to Sasson after the match.  In Judo, a sport that is all about respect for your opponent, combined with the Olympics, an event meant to promote unity, this is considered about as insulting as possible.

You're a fucking loser, Shehaby.  Even if they find that you've been politically coerced to snub your Israeli counterpart, you failed to stand up against that kind of millennia old pointless hatred.  So, congrats!  Gold medals in losing AND being a coward.  This is why Egypt is still a shitpit.

And while this has garnered a lot of attention for the right reasons, there's still this ... item ... that popped up in my Facebook feed:

Don't worry, you're reading that correctly.

Yeah, this from the same people that are bashing ol' Jackass Al McJudo up there.

A couple things:

1 - She's an American Muslim

2 - She's a she, and both of those things in #1 competing in the Olympics

3 - Are you really so strapped for jingo-fuel that you feel the need to attack just anyone?

4 - Where the fuck are you?  Not in the Olympics, that's where.

5 - WHO FUCKING CARES WHAT SHE IS WEARING ON HER HEAD?!  She's proud to be both American AND Muslim.

If that's truly a problem for you, rethink your priorities.  That's the thing, though; when Egypt (still assholes) fielded a beach volleyball team, no one said "Holy shit, Egypt has its first women's beach volleyball team."  Everyone commented instead on how they were fully clothed.  

Newsflash, every religion has dumbass rules.  Most are oppressive and terrible, and yeah, it sucks that they are required to wear garments that cover them, but trust me, you aren't any better for thinking that I'm going to hell because I don't believe in Jesus.  People suck, regardless of relativity.  

Which brings us back full circle to the casual gym racist.  Keep your xenophobic remarks, thoughts, attitude, intentions to yourself.  Don't foist your bullshit on other people.  Shake your opponent's hand, even if you've hated each other for two thousand years.

...because you all look the fucking same to me when you're bleeding out in the back of my helicopter after shit's gone down.

-Saint 81, out.

Mic drop.

Update:  Egypt is still a third-world shit pit of hate.

Recommendations: Quantum Gravity Bomb Series

I'd like to start with the admission that today is day 15 of very low fat, almost no sugar dieting.  Obviously, with good dieting, I'm eating enough to stay healthy (no fat would kill you, and you need fat and sugar in your diet if you're an active person or your body would literally fall apart).  But, today, I would murder a small child for a delicious pastry.  

I'm in Germany, where they are famous for their delicious pastries. 

Bet you thought I was going somewhere
else with that.

Anyway, in my sugar-deficited brain, I've decided on a few things.  First, I'm combining M^6 and Ariana into one book (a storm is a brewin').  Second, I'm making progress on the Trader revision (side note on that, I've tackled what was by far my least favorite chapter.  Chapter 3 old and new are up so you can compare and see the improvement), so by the time my tenure here is up, I'll be ready to start trying publishers again.  Finally, I'm going to continuing reviewing one book a week (current theme for the blog), so whatever else I want to post will be extra bonus.

Week 3 is now up.  If you aren't sore by now, it must be nice to be so blessed with Deadpool's regeneration powers.  Jerk.

Oh, I added 21 squats for 21 days as well.  That's right.  Squats, squats, squats, squats, squats, squats.

Every day now.

And to get your forearms and calves growing, you need to work them out.  Because, let's be honest with each other, you (I) never do.  Remember:  Preworkout is your friend.  I'm still currently using C-4 as I'm not sure what is actually legal in Germany as far as workout supplements go.  However, I'm very seriously considering Gnar Pump from Brosupps.com.  With flavours like Komodo Dragon, House Music, and Optimus Lime, I'll be able to mind-fuck my brain-pussy into believing I can lift EVERYTHING.  But... I'll test it out and let you know how it goes after I finish my C-4.

+  

multiplied by      equals

EXTREME heart problems may occur.

Following that line of thought, this week's review and recommendation is book 1 of the Quantum Gravity Bomb Series by Justina Robson:

So let's talk about Keeping It Real.

Read this book.  I've read it... five or six times.  Apart from the fact that I cried (yeah, I cried, do something about it) at the end of the last book, Justina Robson does such justice to establishing the world that Lila Black lives in, that I had dreams about it for weeks.  Everything in Keeping It Real set the stage for the rest of the series.  Every character is fleshed out, is real, and develops as the story goes along.  There's no confusing plot lines, no nonsensical bullshit, and plenty of thought provoking moments that'll make you wonder about your own life.  She writes so vividly that you can feel the open warmth of the jungles, smell Lila's sister's cooking, taste the crisp, bubbly flavor of Fey beer, and internalize the desperation of Lila as she goes through her painful transformation.  

Back cover:

The Quantum Bomb of 2015 changed everything.  The fabric that kept the universe's different dimensions apart was torn and now, six years later, the people of earth exist is uneasy company with the inhabitants of, amongst others, the elfin, elemental, and demonic realms.  Magic is real and can be even more dangerous than technology.  Elves are exotic, erotic, and dangerous, and really bored with the constant Lord of the Rings references.  Elementals are a law unto themselves and the demons are best left well to themselves.

Special agent Lila Black used to be pretty, but now she's not so sure.  Her body is more than half restless carbon and metal alloy machinery, a machine she's barely in control of.  It goes into combat mode, enough weapons for a small army springing from within itself, at the merest provocation.  As for her heart, well, ever since being drawn into a game be the elfin rockstar Zal (lead singer of The No Shows), who she's been assigned to protect, she's not even sure she can trust that any more either.

June 18, 2012 was the fateful day I purchased this book on Amazon (only because I'd found Book 2 in a B&N during my travels, loved it so much without knowing it was a Book 2, and upon learning that fact, needed to know all the things about the series).  Please, please, please ready this book.  If only to get started on the series.

That's all I've got for now.  I should probably tell you that Lila was assigned by the Otopian Secret Service to keep an eye on Zal, and then crazy adventure happens when she goes to investigate his homeworld... but there's so much packed into this book, that I'd just get you confused.  You'll have to trust me.

More to come.

Dear Moxxi

I want everyone to meet my favorite aircraft here in Germany:

This is 697.  An HH-60M, 19,000lbs of twisted steel and sex appeal.  She's got forward looking infrared, a fully coupled flight director, two 200 gallon extended range fuel tanks, an external rescue hoist, onboard oxygen generation system, onboard suction, and adequate space to treat 6 patients AFTER I PICK THEM UP FROM THE MOT*#%#*ING BATTLEFIELD WHILE UNDER FIRE.

She has all the right curves, is temperamental, has a serious attitude, and if you try to fly her wrong she'll kill you (and four other people).  But, she's mine, as much as any helicopter can belong to a pilot.  Other people fly her, other people take care of her, other people do maintenance on her, other people ride her... But I love her.  And I got to name her the other day.

Can you guess?

Mad Moxxi

Pictured: Love.

Waiting for approval to paint the name on.  As soon as that happens, I'll post pictures.

And I made this (completely out of regs):

STRIP THE FLESH!  SALT THE WOUND!
...then, you know... patch up said wounds.

Until then, in her honor, I have a more appropriate flying buddy:

The Damsel

In other news:  10,000 views! Thanks for visiting!  Loud Noises!

Also, I wrote the new final chapter for Trader.  You can find it here.  The revision project is on going, but the final chapter ends the first book exactly how I needed it to.  So, keep visiting, because apparently social media presence is one of the milestones that publishers consider for publishing.

Finally, once the four weeks are up (here's week one) there may be a shirtless Pyscho picture out on the flight line with me, my sweet helmet, and my darling Moxxi.

Like this, but more naked.

Thanks to John Mart for the Vault Patch.

This is where the Damsel lives.